Doubt
by thedeliverygod
Summary: Yato's had enough with Hiyori's constant flip-flopping and confronts her. [yatori one-shot, manga spoilers past the Ebisu/yomi arc]


_Doubt_

"What the hell, Hiyori!?" He cradled his arm tenderly after she had bent it backwards, having made the mistake of touching her shoulder.

Hiyori stared at him intensely for a brief moment as a myriad of thoughts swirled through her head, eventually deciding to turn away and start heading for the door to head downstairs. Gripping the fabric of her skirt, she answered shakily, "Go home, Yato."

Receiving silence as an answer, she bit her lip and accepted that he would probably leave wordlessly as she continued forward. However, she found herself being spun around instead.

"You know what? No." He held her arms at her sides, a deep frown on his face and his eyes piercing hers, "Not until you explain what your deal is. One minute you'll act like I'm your best friend and then the next you act like you don't even be in the same room as me. And you constantly tell me things like you want to be with me more or that you'll come to me when you need help, but you always go back on what you say. And I can't—I can't deal with that, Hiyori." He took a breath and his expression softened, "I know you care, I know you do. It took me a long time to even accept that as truth, but I know it is. But what I _don't_ understand is when you do things like this."

He let go of one of her arms, though his other hand lingered as his eyes fell to the floor, "I know I'm not the easiest person to be around, alright? But if you could just _tell_ me what's wrong instead of lashing out at me—"

"It's not you." She interrupted him quietly and he sighed.

"Really. The cliché 'it's not you, it's me' speech?" He lifted his head to reveal a disappointed pout.

Hiyori frowned, "But that's really the way it is—well, okay. Maybe sometimes it is a little bit of you, too," She thought aloud, quickly correcting herself, "But that's not the point."

"That…" Yato narrowed his eyes at her, "Really doesn't help me understand. At all."

"I can't really explain, okay?" She huffed, trying to tear away from him, but Yato kept a firm grip.

"Why is that?" He took a step closer to her and locked his eyes with hers again, frustrated beyond belief, "You can't tell me or you just don't want to?" His voice cracked as he asked the question.

Hiyori swallowed, struggling to let out her response, "…It's not like that!"

"Then what is it?" He finally let go of her arm, dropping both of his at his sides as he looked at her pleadingly.

"I love you!" She blurted out instantly, though her hands immediately flew up to her lips to cover her mouth, "Oh my god…"

Yato's eyes were wider than she'd ever seen them and he stumbled backwards from her, nearly falling, "Did you just…?"

She reached out automatically to try and help catch him, though she retreated her hand as soon as she realized he caught himself. "Look, can we just…" Hiyori looked around her room breathlessly, looking anywhere except for at him, "Forget that ever happened?"

And with that, Yato visibly shattered.

"Y-Yato…?" She spoke just above a whisper, worried and confused.

"You're doing it again," He answered in a monotone, his face hidden from her, "Right now. With this."

"I—I…" She stuttered and clutched her hands together, unsure whether she should try and comfort him or keep her distance, "I'm so sorry, I… Yato…" Hiyori finally choked up and her eyes watered, "I don't know what to say."

He lifted his head slightly and his cyan eyes flickered to hers, desperate, "Say what you actually mean."

"I meant it." She answered effortlessly, though she turned away from him to bow her head and held her hands tightly against her chest, "I just don't want to admit it to myself."

"…Why's that?" She heard him say, his tone still relatively detached.

"Because…" Hiyori squeezed her hands even tighter and her voice finally cracked too as a few tears fell, "What good does it do? It just complicates things. Things are hard enough sometimes just being friends with each other because we're not really supposed to be. I—I already sort of over stepped my boundaries when I asked you not to cut our ties, and though I'm still glad you didn't, it… it was a bit selfish of me. You were trying to do what you thought was best, even if you didn't want to."

His voice interrupted her sharply, "I was trying to do what _Tenjin_ thought was best. And because I had no confidence in my own decisions at the time, I believed him."

She turned her head to look at him, biting her lip to hold back anymore tears as she listened to what he had to say.

"And even Tenjin left it alone after you stood up to me. He may not approve of what you decided, but he respects your free will too, you know." He took a pause and cleared his throat, "Hiyori, if there was ever a time I should have cut our ties—it was after what happened at your family's hospital. But my _dad_ was the one telling me to do it at the time, to save you." Her eyes widened in response and he let out a small laugh, "Yeah, exactly. So it just goes to show you how good of an idea _that_ was. And thankfully I saw through that, but, that's not to say that I didn't really consider it at the time."

He looked down at his hands, staring into his palms, "I still wasn't even really sure I did the right thing after the fact—and Yukine wasn't either, believe it or not. We were both pretty shook up. It was only after you told me thank you that I knew I did the right thing, so don't doubt yourself. As for selfish…" Yato looked back up to her, his expression soft, "Hiyori, you don't even know the meaning of the word. You _always_ put others before yourself. Always. I mean, we wouldn't even know each other if you hadn't run out in front of a bus to push me out of the way. That in itself says everything about you, really."

She took a breath, trying to think of how to respond, "If other people were able to see you, I'm sure—"

" _Maybe_ , but that's not the point. It's not like that was the only time you did something like that for me, or for Yukine, Bishamon too. Not to mention the little things you do on a daily basis for your family, friends, and even just acquaintances at school. To be honest, sometimes I think the only thing you do for yourself is letting yourself watch those wrestling matches despite knowing how much your mom would hate it." He smiled again and she finally smiled too, "But you deserve that, and a lot more, too."

She exhaled and closed her eyes, "I don't need anything. I have more than enough."

"The other thing, Hiyori," Yato started again and she peeked her eyes open at him, "You could ask me for anything, really. Any wish, and I'd do everything to make it come true. But you don't ask for anything for yourself, you only ask for others. So instead, I try my best to make _you_ happy, even though I'm not always sure if I'm exactly going about that in the right way. So when you say conflicting things like this, in a way, it makes me feel like I can't even do that." He stepped forward and gingerly reached out to grasp her hands.

Hiyori jumped at first from the contact and he held on very loosely until she relaxed and looked up at him.

"So if you really meant what you said, then," He grasped her hands tighter and raised them up to his chest, "Complicated or not, I would—if you want me, and if I could make you happy, then I want to do that for you."

She blinked rapidly and frowned, "It—it's not a matter of just being what I want. If you don't, um…" The words were lost on her tongue.

He gave her incredulous look, "If I don't love you too?" Her lips fell open in surprise and he tilted his head, "Was that even a question? I thought that was obvious."

"Y-yes and no." Hiyori stuttered, her words continuing to struggle to get past her lips.

"Then, can I show you?" Yato locked eyes with hers, nervous, and she could feel his hands start to tremble as well.

"Show me…?" She repeated quietly, her eyes wide as she started up at him in almost a hypnotized state.

He lifted her hands up higher, pressing a light kiss to the back of her hand. Though their hands mostly hid his face, she realized a sheepish look had taken over his expression as he waited for her answer.

"Oh." Hiyori blurted out automatically before her eyes flew shut , "Y-yes."

Yato carefully slipped his hands out of hers, thinking for a moment to guide her hands to his shoulder but deciding not to as she let her hands fall between them, twisting them nervously. He cupped the side of her face gently, pushing some of her hair back and brushing his fingers through it as well.

Hiyori held her breath momentarily, relaxing again as his thumb massaged the skin just below her jawline.

"You sure?" His voice barely reached her ears, but she nodded once in response.

Holding on to her shoulder with his free hand, he lowered his head towards her until she felt his hair tickling her cheeks. His lips were warm and soft, pressing against hers feather light. She kissed him back just as gently, though she eventually found herself reaching out to grab his jersey to pull him closer to her as she tilted her head back and kissed him with more fervor.

Yato indulged her briefly, his hand moving downward to play with her hair and brushing against her neck as he returned her deeper kisses. Though he soon pulled away and hid his face in the crook of her neck, staying silent and just breathing against her skin.

Hiyori wrapped her arms around his middle tightly, squeezing, "I'm so sorry for ever making you doubt yourself. And, um," She reached up to touch his head, feeling sheepish again, "And for hitting you earlier…"

"All's forgiven." He snuggled closer to her, "Especially now that I can do this!"

She let out a small sigh, but smiled as she combed through his hair with her fingers, "Easy enough, I guess."


End file.
